Fun With Team Snake
by Dead Uchiha
Summary: A random misadventure just for grins. Bad humor. Suigetsu is tired, Sasuke is a bad ass, Karin is annoying, and Juugo wants to kill people. Spoils recent manga [around chapter 350ish]. Whatever.


Props to: Skinny Puppy (google)

**Disclaimer**: I'm not getting paid.

**Author Note:** Okay, so this is something I just blurted out a couple of weeks ago. I've just decided to wrap this one up and post it. I may post another Team Snake adventure in the future, but don't really have anything in the works. I just kinda have this new found infatuation with Suigetsu…so awesome…hearts…

Anyways this fic really doesn't have much of a plot…but I tried. Sort of.

And: Whoops! It seems I didn't upload the file with the proper spelling of Juugo's name…lol don't ask why I went and changed it (I left it Juugo in a few places…lol…I seen it spelled like three different ways and I was too lazy to check the raw for correctness…my bad. Whatever. At least I didn't misspell…never mind. I won't say that.

**Warnings**: Erm…toilet humor? Sexual innuendo? I don't know…

**Fun With Team Snake**

Team Hebi (we'll call it that because it sounds cooler than Team Snake) was on their way to find Uchiha Itachi and Hoshigaki Kisame of the Akatsuki Organization so Uchiha Sasuke could get his sweet revenge by killing his clan-murdering psychopath of an elder brother, and also so Houzuki Suigetsu of the hidden Mist's Houzuki Brothers (i.e. the water guy) could use his old senpai Zabuza's Decapitation Sword on Kisame because Kisame carried Samehada, one of the Seven Swords of the Seven Swordsmen of the Mist, and Suigetsu sorely wanted to have it for himself. Wait…what?

Anyways, Sasuke was getting tired of Suigetsu's incessant complaining.

"Come on guys, let's take a break. I'm tired. And thirsty! I need to re-hydrate myself. It sucked being in that tank all the time and all, but it also sucks being all…dry, too."

"Suigetsu," Karin replied curtly, "Why don't you just leave if you can't keep up. We don't need your help."

"Actually, I do," Sasuke corrected, "Or rather, it's more convenient for me to not have to hunt for someone else to take care of Itachi's partner while I kill him." Sasuke cocked his head at Karin. "By the way, Karin, can you feel him yet?"

"Huh? Oh! No," Karin replied, deflated. "Nothing yet." She adjusted her glasses and continued, "That means we need to keep going and not take a break for stupid Suigetsu, right?"

Sasuke stopped walking, turned to Suigetsu, and glared intensely. "No. We'll stop for now."

"Woohoo!" Suigetsu smiled a wide, toothy grin, plopped down on the spot, and immediately pulled out his water bottle and began to suck enthusiastically.

Sasuke walked over to a big rock on the side of the road and sat down nonchalantly and stared off into space as if dreaming of things to come.

Karin immediately followed him. "Sasuke, wait up!"

Juugo walked up to Suigetsu and stood still, gazing blankly down.

Suigetsu could feel Juugo's eyes on him and he really wanted to whip out his sword and cut the guys fucking legs off, but that would probably piss Sasuke off and Suigetsu didn't want to do that. He remembered Sasuke's murderous threat from earlier:

_How about I kill you both?_

If Sasuke wasn't a badass, Suigetsu didn't know who was. If his killing intent was any indication, he was…well…a badass.

"Hey, Juugo," Suigestu asked, turning his attention to the couple on the rock, "You think Karin's hot?"

Juugo didn't want to answer. He'd been locked up in a cell for most of his life and quite frankly didn't think it was possible for a woman to not look pretty fucking hot. He didn't answer, but his face told Suigetsu all he needed to know.

"Yeah," Suigetsu smiled, "Thought you did. You want to fuck her, don't you," he asserted, "I know it sucks being all locked up all the time. You must be dying to get into some pink."

Juugo looked slightly confused. "Pink?"

"Yeah." Suigetsu watched as Karin slid over and moved to put her hand on Sasuke's leg. That bitch. "Hey Karin," he called.

Karen paused and gave him the finger, then inched closer to Sasuke.

"Why don't you come give Juugo a hand job or something?"

That stopped Karin's advance in a heartbeat. "What did you just say?!?" She shot up and ran toward Suigetsu full speed, ready to kill.

Suigetsu laughed as she kicked through his face with a splash. "There's dog shit on your shoe you know. Now I have to wash."

"Karin. Leave him alone." Sasuke ordered.

"Did you hear what he just told me to do?!"

"Ignore him." Sasuke turned to Suigetsu, "Suigetsu, stop antagonizing Karin."

_Or I'll kill you... _

Suigetsu didn't want to feel Sasuke's killing intent aimed at him again, but…he just couldn't help it! Karin was an annoying bitch! "I'm sorry for asking you to give Juugo a hand job, Karin."

"Oh no," Juugo chimed in, "I'm…I'm starting to feel like I need to kill someone…"

"Juugo," Sasuke said, "Do you really feel like you need to kill people?" He glared intensely as he stood and approached.

"A little…" Juugo twitched and curled his arms around his waist, "I don't want kill people! Oh god! Don't let me kill anybody! If I try to kill someone you have to stop me! Please!" He proceeded to flail and search around for the prison cell that was no longer there. "Oh please…I don't want to kill anybody…"

Suigetsu laughed, "Just pretend you're hollow like a reed, Juugo. Let the rage flow through you like the wind-"

"Shut up, Suigetsu," Karin ordered, irritated.

Juugo thrashed around and tore at his wild hair, "I don't want to kill people! I don't want to kill people!" He continued to freak out until Sasuke put his hand on his shoulder and glared into his eyes,

"Juugo," Sasuke said, calmly but firmly, "I won't let you kill people. I said I wouldn't, and I won't take back my words."

"Betcha he'd calm down if Karin rubbed one off for him."

"Suigetsu! Shut! Up!" Karin stomped her heel through Suigetsu, but he became liquid and coiled a wet tendril up her leg, into her shorts, and lapped at her crotch. Karin squealed and fell back on her ass. "Sasuke! Did you see that?! He just tried to fucking rape me!"

Suigetsu snickered, "Aw…did I get you wet?"

"Sasuke!" Karin shouted. "He just violated me! Kill him!"

Sasuke turned, still trying to subdue Juugo, and examined Karin. She wasn't wet so far as he could tell. "I didn't see him do anything. Stop letting him get to you."

"He put his fucking water tentacle in my-"

"Liar," Suigetsu accused, "Your just want to get rid of me and Juugo so you can be alone with Sasuke."

"I—I do NOT! I don't know what you're talking about!"

"Psht. Whatever. Then why are you acting so embarrassed?"

"I'M ! NOT! EMBARASSED!!"

"AAAAAAAH! AAAAH! AAAAAAAAAH! KILL! KILL!"

"Karin," Sasuke scolded, "You're upsetting Juugo."

"Yeah, Karin. Stop upsetting Juugo."

"Shut! Up!"

"Both of you stop," Sasuke commanded.

"Kill! Aaaaah! Aaaaaaaaah!"

"I didn't even do anything. All I was trying to do was get Juugo some action before you flip out and kill him."

"You put your tentacle in my-!"

"Shut up, lying bitch."

Karin lunged at Suigetsu but Sasuke halted her in her tracks.

"Stop it. Now." His tone was getting a bit short—even more so than usual.

Suigetsu sucked hard on his water bottle and looked away.

Karin did roughly the same, but added a huff and stomped her foot.

Juugo was still twitching and shaking and cuddling himself. "I don't want to kill anybody I don't want to kill anybody I don't want to kill anybody I don't want to kill anybody-"

"Juugo-"

"I don't want to kill anybody I don't want to kill anybody I don't want to kill anybody-"

"Juugo!"

Suigetsu winced at Sasuke's elevated tone. It wasn't really good when that happened.

Sasuke grabbed Juugo roughly by the jaw and glared into his terrified eyes. "Juugo," he repeated once more. Once he was sure he had Juugo's attention, he turned Juugo's head slightly to control his gaze, then reached his free hand round to clutch his Kusanagi. "Do you want this?" he asked, sliding it out enough show that he meant good on the threat.

Juugo promptly chilled the fuck out.

"Well?" Sasuke asked, cocking his head.

"I-I'm feeling…better…now," said Juugo.

Sasuke stood and glared for a long intense moment, then turned and started off down the road again. "Good. Break's over. Let's get moving."

And so, Team Hebi continued on in relative silence, in search of Uchiha Itachi and his partner, Hoshigaki Kisame, so Sasuke could get his sweet revenge and so Suigetsu could get another big ass sword.

And as for Karin and Juugo and the hand job…well, that's a tale for another time.

oooooooooooo

Well, it was kind of pointless, but I hope it was at least a little bit funny to make it worth your time. Thanks for reading. XD


End file.
